I want a happy, normal life… you?
Take a look with me at how to reduce anger… anger that would interfere with enjoying life. I believe we can eliminate much of it. One problem with anger is it builds up. It can hide out and hit you when least convenient… and most dangerous. Sometimes, anger is left over from past lessons in life; from lessons that we’ve not completed. Until we can let that anger go — letting go of that futile regret from the past — dropping it like it is too hot or too heavy along with it’s troubles that you don’t need or want… it is too dangerous to react.
STOP … pause… let this lesson sink in.
We mustn’t fail to realize when we’re making life out as though it is in service to our misery. Who will be accountable for the havoc and harmful attitudes, for the burn-out and self-delusion game of blame and shame, guilt, bitterness and resentment?
Let’s put this into perspective real quick.
For simplicity sake… let it go whenever possible… view the signs and the symptoms of anger as stimulating your foresight that there are some hurdles ahead… challenges and hurdles yet just ahead that you’ll want to overcome with patience and your good character.
Sensation, emotion, feeling, and thoughts are reactions to perception, to belief and to conditioning associated with fear, insecurity, worry, sadness, frustration, etc… any of which may trigger, by way of failing to accept circumstance, situation or conditions, contracted agreements, commitments, and so forth. The pressures of carrying on with anger may generally dim the light of higher awareness.
Accept what is. Find or return to a simple relaxed comfortable presence if possible, as soon as possible. Living in the now is the wisdom way. Peace and serenity is necessary if you want to fully resolve stressing and trying urgency… those trying problems that just can’t wait can usually wait for you to collect yourself together so you can give it your best.
Meantime, in between, mightn’t you consider this: work on unloading some stored up anger… we all have some… try it — it works for anyone that can read and follow directions.
First, its important to acknowledge that we all need to delve into problems like unresolved anger — already knowing that identifying and working on solutions is going to be our best bet. Here’s how to do it:
The solution always will involve making a change; and in the case of unresolved anger that change is going to come about with knowing how the story is infecting us with living in the past — how the past is being perceived — revisiting the anger story.
I always say a prayer first — asking God to unblock me from my frustrations and from my negative emotions (being specific if I can). I next focus on something or someone that I absolutely love like my son or my dog. After I have a feeling of positive energy, I begin to state my problem and work out a comprehensive solution. A solution is unlikely until finding a peaceful presence in self.
The remainder of this particular post is helpful mainly for delving into unresolved anger — when able and ready to move on. This isn’t the last word on dealing with anger. I do want to start off to focus on anger that we can purge and that is from whatever can be finished with; getting it out of the way will make room for positive emotions. If you use the techniques from this post, you can probably resolve a lot of resentment problems and thus free up more energy for happier living. I’ll post another time to cover the daily trials of living with toxic spiritually sick persons. That is a bit more involved but this material helps there too.
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Read the question, the answer, and also watch the videos.
source: Ask Deepak (Deepak Chopra) and Deepak Youtube videos
I’m curious about what advice you could share with me about dealing with anger. I recently turned 30, I am single, no babies and live in Arizona.
I live a little life, but I am overcome with huge anger. It started after a devastating break up about 5 years ago. For an entire year after that break up I COMPLETELY shut down. I was not the same person anymore. I became very depressed, suicidal and isolated.
Although I somehow got through that period and I now have a new love, a wonderful love in my life, why am I still so angry?
There are many triggers that set me off; from someone cutting me off while driving to something non-significant like not finding a pen when I need one. I punch the wall, throw a tantrum; scream. I never was this type of person. Never. Not even as a child.
Now as I am getting a little older, I DO NOT want to spend the rest of my days this way. So many others around the world are suffering from starvation, disease, abuse; so many are in far worse circumstances than myself. So what’s my problem?
Why is it so hard for me to deal with my anger? I get plenty of sleep, I exercise, I eat right. Unfortunately, with no health insurance, I cannot speak with a mental health professional.
You need to address the underlying belief holding your old anger in place. You are holding on to the belief that you were wronged by the break-up, that you were victimized by his unfair behavior and that you did not deserve to be treated that way.
So now even though the ending of that relationship has allowed you to find a loving relationship, you are still held in the old anger because you insist on the story of the old relationship in terms of injustice, instead of seeing it as a positive step toward a lasting love.
It is your self-image as a victim that feels justified in holding on to this anger. Unfortunately, you are only hurting yourself.
Make a long list of all the positive things that have happened to you since the break-up that would not have occurred if you two were still together. List all the ways you have become stronger and have grown inside since then. You certainly deserve all these good things that have happened to you and the ways you have matured.
Perhaps your story that the break-up was a bad thing is not completely true. If it was what needed to happen for both of you to move ahead in your lives, then it’s pointless to blame anyone or hold onto anger and resentment. Admit to yourself that you really don’t know whether the break-up was right and wrong in the context of your whole life. So, maybe you’ll discover that the story of him being the bad guy and you as the good guy who was wrongly victimized isn’t really helping you.
Create a new story based on the actual positive events that have happened lately to replace the old story. You don’t have to pretend that everything that happened was for the best, you only need to allow that your ego doesn’t really know what is right or justice in this case.
From there you can recognize that your higher self or cosmic intelligence has still led you forward in life.
Learning to trust this loving force of evolution can be your new story.
When you start to see your life this way, your belief in the old you as a weak victim lashing out at injustice will fade away. You will let go of the anger and start to appreciate the love and beauty around you.
~ Love, Deepak
Above, video one is what you need to learn about in order to be able to work on anger. Video two is the solution. No matter how big the challenge, spiritual teacher Deepak Chopra says, a four-step process can help you solve the problem at hand. Learn how the STOP method can help you overcome any obstacle. In summary: Any time you have a problem you are in contracted awareness (habitual anxieties — instinctual — egoism — fearful) and that influences 1) perceptions, 2) expectations, 3) assumptions, 4) beliefs, 5) moods and feelings. Contracted awareness brings about problems.
Any time you have a problem, question and evaluate all of those five areas.
How do you shift away from the anger or hurt and to a healthy level of awareness?
Go to your feelings and remember to STOP!
S T O P. Stop to evaluate, Transform your mood, Observe the sensations in your body and images in your mind and Proceed with kindness and compassion.
As you move into a higher level of awareness, solutions will start to emerge.
Here is a much longer lesson given by Deepak shortly after his new book “Spiritual Solutions” hit the marketplace — if you have time.
The most fundamental fact of existence is not the universe nor even space, time or gravity, but that we are aware of the universe, Deepak Chopra, author (Spiritual Solutions, 2012 and The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, 1994 and others) and co-author of over 60 books on spirituality and mind-body connections, told a National Press Club luncheon audience April 4, 2012.
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Letting go of resentments — grudges and painful bitterness felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong — means making self available to a higher expanded awareness of compassion, kindness and peace. Even if not a believer in God, the spiritual essence of these benefits is available.
Thanks for learning with me. There is lots more to discover — so, come back often.
- Anger (zenflash.wordpress.com)
- What Are the Health Effects of Anger and Stress? (stress.answers.com)
- Five Fast Beliefs to Extinguish Your Anger (psychologytoday.com)
- Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness (www.mayoclinic.com)
- How to stop anger before it starts (huffingtonpost.com)
- Coping With Anger (ariannasrandomthoughts.com)
- Anger 101 (jasonowenlmft.wordpress.com)
- 7 Tips to Deal With Anger (lifehack.org)
- How to deal with Anger (rupacoach.wordpress.com)